Wednesday, November 5, 2008


WOW! OBAMA WON! I'm so excited about being an American again! Look at us GO! A commedian I adore named Eddie Izzard has a routine in which he talks about how in America there is "a feeling of IT CAN BE DONE!" I see now what the rest of the world sees when they look at this country. We're all trying to spread the love, help eachother out. This election brought people together all over the country and all over the world and Obama's message of love and spreading the wealth really came home to me in the things I want to accomplish with my life. It's interesting...the conversations that I had with my siblings, parents, my friends...most of whom before this election believed very far right, conservative things that just aren't a good way of thinking. Anything as an extreme is bad.

Take it from someone who has been there. I've taken all different things to an extreme via addiction. This feels good, so I should do it every day, right?! WRONG! People can be addicted to all kinds of things from sex to caffeine to cigarettes, to alcohol to racing cars. And not all these things are bad when practiced or participated in on a moderate basis. I've quit cocain one of the most addictive substances known to man. It took 2 stints in rehab and a lot of people not giving up on me to get here but here I am. Here, taking care of my family, helping my friends and family as much as I can. Here where I have a home and will have a bachelor's degree (the degree I was told I'd never earn because I was making the mistake of becoming a mother at a young age). Here where there is less anger at home, more hope, faith, trust, honesty and love.

I think that people start out with the american dream and they get as far as they can with the tools they have then you die. What you leave behind effects all the people that are or were or had been close to you during your lifetime. I think that's why there are so many messages out there about "living every day like it's your last" and "make every day count" because you really don't know what the people around you are taking in, what they're needing, thinking, feeling, wanting, hoping for or expecting from you. My teacher in my current class talks about how when you meet a new person they are carrying around an invisible "suitcase" with them.

Every person has personal motivations, intentions, stereotypes, personality traits, beliefs, hopes, etc. that you just can't account for when you first meet them. Why do you think internet dating has been so popular, it's a way for you to make yourself vulnerable to another person without having them look you up and down and walk away. It's the 'Shallow Hal' concept as in if we as a society weren't so damn judgemental of other people's behavior then a lot more people would be a lot happier.

Don't you dare tell someone they CAN'T because you know what, they might actually believe you. People who are lonely will cling to any communication and over analyze it because they have nothing better to do with their time. Then by you telling them they can't accomplish somethig you're simply feeding into their excessive amounts of existing self-loathing and self-doubt. Once a person starts hearing negative things it can really compound on itself and just make a person feel worthless even if they've accomplished 100 positive things since then. It only feels like an accomplishment once a person has realized that they've proven themselves to themself...if that makes any sense.

For me, I've done a lot of really cool things in the first part of my life so far, but for a long time I still felt like I wasn't good enough. Like the people were all looking at me thinking, "what IS she doing?" "if she hadn't thrown away her life by becoming a mom at seventeen she would be so much better off" when that wasn't really the reality at all. I've tried recently talking to people wherever I go so I can expand my horizons. I talked to immigrants down at the department of human services that legally came to this country and they HATE it here. They hate it because they don't understand concepts like laws and taxes because those things DON'T EXIST in the country they came from.

I guess I just know there are a lot of rumors around about how immigrants can get all kinds of free stuff and we should all be scared of taxes because they support immigration, well, ya know what, that's how this country was IMMIGRANTS! Why are we saying that now that we're here the doors should be closed? there's room in this great country for all those who love it as much as I do, so why are we wanting them to go away?!? EXPLAIN IT TO ME, I JUST DON'T GET IT!!

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