*sigh*

You know, I've been so happy recently and then today I just feel sad. Last night I found out that someone in my family, we'll call her, oh, I dunno, psycho hose beast from hell for starters, blocked her kids cell phones from my phone number so I can't call her children, I can't text her children and neither of her kids knew this. So, when they send me their cute little teeny bopper texts, they think I'm ignoring them but that's only because their mother BLOCKED the phones from eachother. On my phone it shows "text sent" but it never goes through to their phone and their's does the same thing. If I try to call them it rings once and disconnects and their phone does the same thing.

That made me so sad, and sick and frusterated and angry to see, why does she hate me SO much??? I just don't understand. As a parent, when other adults love your kids so much they want to spend time with them, and take them to do things, what could possibly make your response "ignore the request and block the kids cell phones from her"?!?!?! Still trying to sort that one out in my head and trying not to let it hurt my heart.

Then today I read that I inadvertantly hurt another person in my hubby's family whom I've grown to love so much through her blogs and her little stories of her life. I hope I resolved that with the note I left for her but the waiting game stinks! (Apparently some people work and can't be one the internet all day, oh well!).

On top of that I'm trying to get my son the medication he needs. He's been out for 4days. The refill is $157 at Walgreens and $137 at Walmart and there is no generic available. The dr. won't give me samples unless I take Jeremiah in for an appt which costs $130. People have suggested changing his medication but I started researching that today and there are so many scary side effects for a lot of the other types of medications and there's nothing like what he's taking on the market, nothing similar. Everything else is a stimulant and of all the things Miah needs, stimulation isn't one of them. Every idea I come up with all comes down to I JUST CAN'T FREAKIN AFFORD IT. It will be nice when that medicaid decision comes back. I know the kids will be covered and that will relieve a great deal of stress. Until then....patience....I'm trying to keep it together.....



Good news, I'll have my degree in just 10 weeks!!! Can you believe it! I'm overjoyed with that knowledge and the amount of extra time that I'll have is wonderful (until I start my master's degree that is!).

I was reading another blog and read this, "...and that will be even MORE fun because everyone knows the only thing cuter than a little boy dressed up as a spy is a little GIRL dressed up as a spy, and Monkey was mistaken for a girl EVERYWHERE we went this weekend. When I asked him if it bothered him, he said, “Nah. People are silly.” And if I could bottle THAT right there, friends, I’d be rich."

It's so simple. To be as free and joyful as a child. It's just hard to be joyful and accomodating to so many different people in the world. People look at the world through completely differnt eyes. Eyes that see the way they do based on their owners interpretations of the world. I try to pay attention to what I do and what I say (or type!) and how that affects other people because my goal is rarely to be hurtful.

I know reading the "psycho hose beast from hell" might look like that's not my personality but maybe with that person I'm simply wondering that IF she read it (yeah right==>still working on getting rid of my sarcasm but that's going to take a while) she might say SOMETHING or give me SOMETHING to understand why she has such a deep rooted hatred. The only time I get to see her (or the kids) is at family functions and that's not the appropriate time to have an intense discussion (or screaming fight as she may turn it into). I feel like I have no answers and I can't help anything I don't know is wrong and it's frusterating!!!!